winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
