I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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