The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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