i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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