put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
