I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
