Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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