ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
