glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
