I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
