at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
