I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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