You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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