Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
