when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
