Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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