I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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