I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i now understand why vodka
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
