remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Randomize
