This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The beer is more important than you right now.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
