when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
