Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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