idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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