So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
