Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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