I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
