Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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