At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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