just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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