So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
