please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
