My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I understand Curling. That high.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
