So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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