I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
