just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
you are never too drunk for berry picking
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
