the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
