we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
