yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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