Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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