Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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