I will die if light touches me.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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