i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
