so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
