At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
