as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
