i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
