Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
