he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
