my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
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