i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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