I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
try to milk me bitch
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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