I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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